Beside a Mirror

Seated beside a mirror, I found myself

with messy hair, lips smudged with lipstick and rose tea

seated, ever seated.

Sip some drink.

Write some lines.

Who cares, who cares?

Wonders to confusion,

affection to detachment,

and wishes to death wishes! 

I found, in that world within myself and my other self,

that little girl beside me, also seated, also seated.

She was giggling, watching, and goodness!  Naked.

She was truer than I ever was,

and cooler than I think I am,

and damn more beautiful than me with my messy hair! 

Slam my head against that mirror.

Break it! Break it! 

Or I shall break my neck. 

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SEPTEMBER 30.

Remembering this certain girl means many things to me:

  1. It means hearing her FREAKING OUT voice on the phone as she ran along a 400 year old university in THE HEAVY RAIN so she can meet me up and HELP ME in a way I cannot forget even after a year or more.

  2. It means missing her croissant-like hair which was always tied in a ponytail.

  3. It means remembering how she got me more acquainted with the simplest but most genuine gestures. One of them is not eating until everyone’s food is served…NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY WE ALREADY ARE!

  4. It means being amazed by how she made a TV that converts into three windows in the count of 3 for our school play. She looked like a commander as she cut the cartons using a big cutter. It was also quite amusing to see that while she was “armed with a big cutter” and she cut those cartons with a cap on her head, the boys in our group were putting GLITTERS on the edges of the giant book!

  5. It means seeing a hungry girl who can eat four cups of rice at KFC. Lol!

  6. It means remembering her dance moves that show up out-of-nowhere and then remembering one of her dreams.

  7. It means watching a debutante crying while dancing with her dad. For some reason, this moment makes me a little emotional. Heehee! It’s because, I understand her in that very moment.

  8. It means wanting to hug her tight when she cried that night when I had no other choice but to say goodbye to college… and to all of them. I can still clearly remember her handkerchief; it was yellow. Every single day after that night, I missed her more and more.

  9. It means receiving from her many handmade presents and her showing me the many other handmade presents she made for our friends. Her ideas are endless!

  10. It means talking about our dreams and seeing that ours are in some ways connected to each other.

 

Many friends promised me that we will be friends forever. This friend of mine never promised such a thing but even though forever hasn’t come (yet), our friendship has grown so well as we both grew apart and probably, this is what they all call “forever”. Distance sailed away many of my friends to unknown shores and I’ve never seen or heard from them as life continued with its course. On the other hand, this friend bid me farewell in such a way that distance agreed it will be kind to both of us: I believe it made our friendship more colorful and meaningful. I don’t see her as much as I did back when we were in the same university. Actually, I haven’t seen her in a long time.

But I’m sure that when we finally see each other again, an hour long conversation will not be enough.

She is one of the many few whose presence in my not-so-far-away past makes me believe that that certain past is actually beautiful, worth-reminiscing and very blessed. It was a past bullied by things no one wishes for; it was a past a dreamer never dreamt of happening; it was a past I still sometimes wish I could change so that today, I’ll find myself in a better place. On the other hand, I never ever wish to erase that past in my lifetime…

Without it, I wouldn’t have met her.

Mary dear, I MISS YOU SO MUCH! Dentifrappe na tayo!

 

Super duper belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 

 

^_^