“Delivery!”, a man yelled. It was the card that we have been waiting for. It was a card that says, “I can change everything! Just wait and see.”
I, the daughter who has been so tired of wrong information and misleading expectations, rolled my eyes. Well, just at the back of my mind, that was how I looked like.
For years, we have been “living by every coin we had”. In my journal, I always referred to it as “merely surviving”. I reached the point of feeling bitter towards those who always had it all easy: All the things that fuel their passion were scattered in their homes, in their universities, in their bedrooms while I only had my papers and pens.
How could 70 dollars a month change a life deprived even of basic necessities?
I walked out of the door to face another day at work and on my way, I felt another arrow of guilt:
“YOU ARE QUICK TO NOT TRUST ME AGAIN!” The Guy Up There whispered through the polluted wind in our city.
“I have no other choice, I have nothing else but to trust you.” I thought, feeling the pain of another seemingly “merely surviving chapter of our family” but being enveloped by a warmth that only comes from a crazy kind of faith.
He let disillusions of big projects come and make us fantasize of Cinderella stories and then he knocks us off with a giant red marker cutting every disillusion to death. Our teary eyes are upon Him again asking Him, “What’s next?” I tell Him, “I feel like no longer believing but I have nothing else.” And there He says, “I give you a tiny, tiny coin. I want your little hand to wrap it with importance. Just hold it tightly
and I will take care of the rest.”