Most of us name yesterday as “Year 1809”, “a long, long time ago”, “back when I was in high school” or any other group of words that spell a time that makes us pause and look far, far back behind us.
And so, we always somehow carry with us this burden of “how it’s always been” and “things have never really changed”. We look back and we keep on doing it and there, we see back at the horizon miles away from us the big, dark sky of yesterday.
We tend to forget that yesterday is also “just 14 days ago”, “when I had lunch with my friend” and “minutes before I arrived”. We don’t see the tiny changes and let that horizon, that which is already miles away, to still have its shadow creep into where we exactly are today.
The sky is not just the horizon. It’s not just behind. There’s a different sky around me and in front of my very eyes.
It burdens me how what happened in the past strongly influences my feelings and reactions.
As if there will no longer be any changes, that things have always been like this, not just in a few years but in more than a decade now. It frustrates me that I somehow no longer want to believe that there’ll be any changes, that things kept in vaults of pastels and glitters would also come true somewhere, sometime.
It frustrates me because it’s as if what has always been has grown into a blanket of gray clouds and it has turned me into this girl who would rather hear the words, “IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED!” than “IT WILL HAPPEN!”
I don’t want to stop looking at the stars in the sky.
And I hope you haven’t given up on that too.