It was another day in the office when I stumbled upon this entry. It was also a day after a period wherein I hated where I exactly was and made efforts to escape from here. It’s been two years and I found myself longing for a better place each day that I was at this same seat. Slowly, attachment to where I am strongly began to weaken and the longing for better things screamed in my head with giant megaphones every single time that I was doing the same things that I have been doing for the past two years.
It is natural to long for better things; it is especially natural to those who dream big. I belong to that group. It is such a lovely life to dream, to be given the chance to muse about great things that could possibly happen. I love thinking about such things – and sometimes, or usually, I end up getting broken-hearted by such musings. Everybody around me is moving forward even if they themselves do not know and I know many others who are plotting the same. There are also some who I see as those whose lives today weren’t so different from their lives two, three years or even a decade ago.
And that sight was scary all the time!
After sending out resumes and writing Plan A, Plan B and Plan C to escape from “here”, the wind got silent and I wondered why after sending a hurricane in me, LIFE WOULD RESPOND WITH SILENCE.
I’ve always been that girl who plotted; I always had a plan. But I always or usually lost the chess game. Life is so powerful. They say “Things don’t happen. YOU make them happen.” On times like this, I shake my head (on that). We try to make things happen but sometimes, THINGS HAPPEN!
And so, in the middle of the day when I’m trying to accept things once again and just cease the moment – even if it is a moment a big dreamer finds so cheap – I found this entry with the title “Four years from now”. Those words dawned the number “24” in me! I am turning 24 this year. My mind’s initial reaction was to add those FOUR YEARS to my upcoming age: 28! WHAT THE…!!
And now, I only know these things:
THOSE FOUR YEARS ARE CRITICAL.
It’s like “Today or no more”. Or, “Do or die”. Or, “Make your dreams come true or forever live in mere survival”. It’s like, “This is your last chance”. One shot and everything’s gone! Forever!
I am only in my 20’s for once, and for most people, this is when they build their goals. This is when they travel. This is when they finalize the years that they are single. This is when they get to know themselves much more without being too attached to other lives or people. This is when responsibilities come but there is still a sense of freedom. This is when they graduate from many years of studying. This is when one truly knows what he wants to do in his entire life. This is when we have much time to be ourselves. This is some kind of a Renaissance. FOUR YEARS FROM NOW.
THOSE FOUR YEARS IS A KIND OF FREEDOM THAT I WILL SOMEHOW NEVER HAVE AGAIN.
This is the only time that my body is full of energy and I can exhaust myself in dancing, jumping around, riding roller coasters, cooking, taking too many wacky pictures, traveling around the world, watching basketball live, screaming at a concert (actually, I have yet to do this) and just being alive. This is the only time that I am not too concerned about seriousness, about corporate things, about bills and schedules, about children, about making a living, about health. It’s a beautiful kind of freedom that I’ve seen many adults chase after…
and I don’t want to grow old like these people.
THOSE FOUR YEARS IS THE LAST TIME I’M REALLY YOUNG.
Although I know I can always live as a child at heart, there will be a time when the adult in me must take over and wear a suit. So this is my last chance to wear anything that would disqualify me to things in the future. This is the last time that I can hold a balloon with those wondering eyes. This is the last time that I can eat ice cream with an ugly face. This is the last time that I can jump around – literally – and be forgiven for doing so. This is the last time that I can walk around with a derp face and the crowd would either just laugh or ignore. This is the last time I can be truly a child before the next years take over this one life I have.
THOSE FOUR YEARS IS THE TIME THAT EVERYBODY – OR MOST PEOPLE – ARE QUICKLY LIVING.
The fresh grads are looking for a job; the employees are looking for another job. Those who have been working are starting their own businesses. Those who have a business are taking photography classes. The photographers are learning calligraphy. The calligraphist is producing music. The musician owns a restaurant. The chef is also a dancer. There is a dancer who’s writing a manuscript. The writer is also a model. The model has a broadway show. The actress can do mad illustrations. The illustrator has a beautiful voice. The singer designs furniture.
People are so diverse; you can’t just place them in one category. And in these important four years, this is when I usually see them juggling their different skills – THEY LOVE IT! I love seeing them that way. And I know,
that’s what I’d love to do too…in these FOUR years…
four years and the next.
THOSE FOUR YEARS.
THERE ARE MANY THINGS TO DO… MANY THINGS ARE OUGHT TO BE DONE.
and in the thought of these four years, I knew once more that we all have our “Next four years”,
THEY ARE ALL SO CRITICAL.
I don’t want to regret.